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When I bring up the idea of scheduling sex, many couples groan at the thought. “It should be spontaneous!” or “It’s not very romantic to schedule it!” are statements I often hear. And my response right back is, “Well, are you now having as much spontaneous romantic sex as you want?” Of course the answer is “no” for most couples. Sex is critical to the overall health of the relationship. Some research suggests that sex two to three times per week is correlated with overall long term happiness and longevity of a marriage. So…if your relationship is important to you, you might want to reconsider the benefits of scheduling sex.
How can you make scheduling sex fun, romantic and even spontaneous?
There are all kinds of creative ways to set up a time for sex that makes it something to anticipate. These will also enhance your ability to talk in sexy or romantic ways.
1). Write a note or text message to your spouse that says something like this: “The thought of your (my) legs wrapped around me (you) and my fingers in your hair just turned me on right now. You are so beautiful (sexy) to me. How about Friday night?” There are hundreds of ways you can phrase notes like this. You can be as sweet or as naughty as you want. It's a good idea to share with each other phrases or touches that tend to turn you on. This way your partner can activate it when necessary. Some people really get turned on by having their neck kissed, some love risque pictures, others love wrestling and tickling and others like a spank on the bottom. And still others love hearing your romantic loving words. In other words, you have to flirt with each other!
Make sure you don’t say something like, “It’s been two weeks. Want to have sex?” So not appealing! Tell her she’s beautiful and that you can’t wait to touch her again. Also, never be critical about each other's seduction attempts. Never say things like, "Uh..is that your seduction attempt right now?" It not only kills the mood, it hurts!
2). Set up a standing date night every week so that you can more easily reserve babysitters and/or make it part of your routine. However, on your date nights, find ways to be spontaneous and try new things. You can pick a neighborhood you’ve always wanted to explore and just walk around; go to a restaurant neither of you have ever been to or do a completely new activity (like roller skating, salsa dancing, adult night at the museum, indoor skydiving, etc.). Keeping up our libidos with the same person over time usually requires a bit of novelty. Make sure you're keeping your time with each other fresh and interesting. Use books like, “101 Grrreat Nights of Sex” or “101 Nights of Grrreat Romance” by Laura Corn for some terrific, fun ideas for sexual encounters and dates. These books are sealed and are designed for “him” and “her” so you can take turns planning your weekly dates, while keeping it a surprise and completely spontaneous.
3). Know each other's timing for sex and if you have opposite timing (one likes it in the morning, the other at night), find ways to compromise and suggest times for sex that accommodate both of you. If she likes sex in the morning, plan a late start to your morning or to have the kids occasionally stay the night with family so you can have a relaxing morning. If he likes it at night, make sure you start early enough so that both of you still have energy. The longer we're with someone and the higher demands are on our time and energy, the more difficult it is to generate energy for sex. It takes commitment, compromise and creativity.