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Best Ways to Connect With Your Spouse

Looking for the best ways to connect with your spouse? One of the characteristics of happy, healthy couples is that most days, they find ways to spend about 20 minutes with each other just talking. It is the classic “How was your day, dear?” conversation and it turns out that this is pretty important. I work with lots of couples who lose this routine, especially when they have children and busy lives.  So, if you don't have twenty minutes to spend, here are best ways to connect after work or any time.  These conversations and habits tend to give you the high doses of intimacy and connection.  

5 Best Ways to Connect with Your Spouse 

One   Change the question, “So, how was your day?” to more specific questions like: 

  •  What made you laugh today? 
  •  What was the most frustrating thing about your day? 
  •  What was the one thing you wish you could have done today?
  • What was the best thing about your day? 
  •  What was the most interesting conversation you had today?

Two  Always find time to touch in some way. Here are simple ways to incorporate touch in your routines:

  • Pat her back or kiss her neck/cheek while she's cooking
  • Rub his head or shoulders for a moment while he's helping kids with homework.
  • Sit on the same couch/chair while watching TV and make sure some part of you is touching the other.
  • Let your feet find each other in bed before you fall asleep
  • Kiss and hug for several seconds upon greeting each other; make sure you look into each other's eyes

Three     Make sure you ask and share with each other many of the following about the week/day:

  • What is my partner looking forward to the most in the next week?
  • What has my partner done today/this week that s/he is proud of?
  • What disappointed her or him today or this week?
  • What is at the top of my partner’s wish list for accomplishing this week?
  • What compliment has my partner received from a person other than myself in the last week?
  • What is the most challenging part of my partner’s daily routine?

Four   Take the time to call, text, IM, email at least once during the day. It can be as simple as “I love you”; “I'm thinking of you” or “I can't wait to see you when you get home.”

Five    Even if you're totally consumed with other activities (e.g. the kids, family members, work), tell your partner that you miss him or her and want to plan a time soon to spend quality time together.  Then take time to put it on the calendar.